A SPRING SURPRISE IN WINTER

When Jane decided to stuff each of her children’s stockings with a Slinky, she never dreamed they were capable of coordinated action.

A Sucky Award

Though he never received an Oscar, Bela would always treasure his Longest Lasting Hickey Award.

THE DEVIL, YOU SAY

A medium recently contacted Jerry Falwell to ask how the televangelist is doing in the afterlife, and he showed her this.

A MAKEOVER, WILLIAM CASTLE-STYLE

So Bill, this Botox stuff wears off in a few hours, right? Whaddya mean, you're not sure about the bootleg home version?

NO MORE BLUE LAGOON

Ben's somber mood vanished when a cameraman told him Lotrimin could actually cure jock itch.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

So I just slide this up there and...wait a minute. What do I twist to make it vibrate?

HEY, DREAMS CAN BE PARANORMAL, TOO

...so the guy snapped and killed his whole family. That was the past. I had a dream last night where I married this obnoxious domineering woman who sings in the shower at the top of her lungs, but I'm not gonna take it as an omen of the future...

DON'T WE NEED A GIRL AND A LITTLE DOG, TOO?

After T-Rex performed his pathetic "If I Were King Of The Forest" musical number, Kong and the Tin Ape invited him on their journey to ask the Wizard for a blonde, rustproofing and some real teeth.

SOMETIMES ETERNAL LIFE SUCKS

You will hear only my voice, and you will obey. You will buy only Hormel products, because they are delicious and nutritious...God, this job is even further beneath me than the one in the coffin showroom...

UM, LET'S NOT GO APE NOW...

BANANA! That's the safe word, isn't it Kong, honey? BANANA! ...Kong?

NEW DOORMAN AT FANGTASIA

Look, pal, I don't care if she is 386, I need to see some legal form of picture ID before I can let her in.

KEEP TELLING YOURSELF, IT'S ONLY A CARTOON

Once the ghosts of the Flintstones began to haunt Hanna Barbera Studios, the gang delved into the past...and they were appalled to learn the dark secret of Wilma, Dino, and the world's first jar of peanut butter.

BUTTER FINGERS

Dr. Frank N. Furter realized to his chagrin that leaving a surgical tool in a patient was a much more more serious matter than just leaving a toy... well, you know.

PAGING DR. CUTTER

Parents with no medical insurance were attracted by the fringe benefits offered by Camp Slashahatchy, especially the free circumcision.

MIRROR TIME

..and then I told him that I was breaking up with him because the moonlight reflected off of his bald head was keeping me awake -- and you should have seen the look on his face! What's the matter, Tiffany? You act like I'm boring you to death or something!

THE UNSEEN HORROR

Dear, what did we say about keeping the dog outside when he comes home from making one of those bean commercials?

LET'S TAKE A STAB AT TRANQUILITY

Usually looking at old family photo albums calmed Jamie Lee, but not today.

ELEVATED RISK

Angie Dickinson never dreamed of the potential hazards when she agreed to be a judge on "RuPaul's Drag Race."

FA LA LA LA....AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Here, as part of the Christmas Week Tod Slaughter Blog-A-Thon masterminded by Joe Monster at From Beyond Depraved, is a glimpse of Mr. Slaughter when you’d expect him to be out of character. The problem is, he apparently never was!

Tod Slaughter, for those who don't know, was an actor who specialized in playing villains on the British stage. He became strongly identified with Sweeney Todd, and went on to play him in the first filmed version of that famous gory story. This "newsreel" introduces movie audiences to Slaughter just as that film arrived in cinemas. You can tell the man really loves his work (just a little too much, in fact, as this luckless "journalist" is about to find out!)



This appeared with other “newsreels” by the Pathe company between feature films at the local cinema. It was, of course, really an ad for Slaughter’s 1936 film “Sweeney Todd, Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.”

Sadly, there are no films featuring Mr. Slaughter as an evil Santa. He would have made a great one, but such an idea would have been way ahead of its time.

DOMIN...EEEEEK!!!!!

The Little Sisters Of Chernobyl always threw a few surprises into their annual holiday production of "The Sound Of Music."