BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

So I just slide this up there and...wait a minute. What do I twist to make it vibrate?

NEW TEEN WOLF IS A HOWL OF A GOOD TIME

The cast of MTV's "Teen Wolf"

For those of you who may have missed it, here's the pilot episode of MTV's new "Teen Wolf" series starring Tyler Posey -- and the fact that we see a lot of him shirtless here isn't even the best thing about it.

Remember how "Buffy" started out as a goofy movie, and morphed into a serious and well-done TV series? The same thing's happening here. Well-acted, fast-paced, action-packed and even sexy, "Teen Wolf" is nothing like the Michael J. Fox movie. The plot is predictable at every turn, but it's so smashingly executed that you won't care. By the way -- when you watch it, listen through headphones. The music and use of sound are particularly effective.

I wasn't a fan of the movie, but if the rest of the series lives up to the pilot, I'll be glued to my TV screen on Monday nights.

Teen Wolf - MTV Shows

HEY, DREAMS CAN BE PARANORMAL, TOO

...so the guy snapped and killed his whole family. That was the past. I had a dream last night where I married this obnoxious domineering woman who sings in the shower at the top of her lungs, but I'm not gonna take it as an omen of the future...

DON'T WE NEED A GIRL AND A LITTLE DOG, TOO?

After T-Rex performed his pathetic "If I Were King Of The Forest" musical number, Kong and the Tin Ape invited him on their journey to ask the Wizard for a blonde, rustproofing and some real teeth.

SOMETIMES ETERNAL LIFE SUCKS

You will hear only my voice, and you will obey. You will buy only Hormel products, because they are delicious and nutritious...God, this job is even further beneath me than the one in the coffin showroom...

UM, LET'S NOT GO APE NOW...

BANANA! That's the safe word, isn't it Kong, honey? BANANA! ...Kong?

Happy Birthday, Lance Henriksen

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite horror/science fiction/action flick actors -- not to mention HUNKS -- Lance Henriksen. Lance turns 70 today. Here's a publicity shot of him at age 50 for "Pumpkinhead," still my favorite film role of his. Onscreen Lance has faced every monster from Alien and Predator to Sasquatch. I for one, am looking forward to reading his biography, "Not Bad For A Human."

Here's another shot of Lance from a particularly sexy performance as a badass biker named "Chains" in the action movie "Stone Cold."



And I wouldn't mind seeing a picture of him shirtless at 70, if anybody has one!