BLIND LUST

First of all, Frankie, I'm sorry I walked in on your Bride before she was dressed. But second, and more important -- I'VE GONE BLIND!

HE DIDN'T GO TO JARED'S

Honey, it's not a cheap ring. Your finger was green already.

No, Master Larry, my daughter would rather you did not call for her again. She finds it embarrassing when you suddenly sniff her butt in public places.

FRANKENSTEIN'S POODLE

No, it's not a movie...it's a POEM! I told you I was going to experiment with putting different kinds of things up on this blog. It's funny...and kinda sick. Give it a chance.


FRANKENSTEIN’S POODLE

It has bright green fur, of course.
And he controls it with
A leather choker —
Black leather, covered with studs --
That chafes under
The bolts on its neck.

It’s just a poodle outwardly,
You see. It has the heart of a pit bull,
And the brain
Of a corporate lawyer –
Oops, I mean the brain
Of a piranha. You can’t mix
Human parts with animal,
By law. Though Frankie himself,
By some accounts,
Has the schlong of a mule;
That’s why the ladies sing
“Sweet Mystery Of Life.”

And Frankenpoodle isn’t fixed, you know;
Why steal perfectly good parts
Only to slice them off
To stuff down the disposal?
Besides – could zombie poodle sperm
Create a puppy anyway?
Only dog spelled backwards
Knows.

The Doc, meanwhile, has fled the scene
Leaving his freak handiworks
To just fend for themselves:
The big guy
And his bride with the huge perm,
The poodle, and the patchwork brat.
They say the Doc cobbled the tyke
From Jeff Dahmer’s leftovers.
One hopes, when he grows up,
His stitches hold.

As for the dog,
Beware the smoking stream
Of test tube potion
When he marks his territory.

– © 2010 by Jack Veasey

(All rights reserved. This work may not be reproduced or duplicated in any form without the author's written permission. )

DRACULA'S REAL MOTIVATION

Yes, my Queen, now that you have joined me in undead matrimony all this shall be yours for eternity! By the way, there's a feather duster in the bureau next to your coffin...

THAT IRREPRESSIBLE DOMESTIC IMPULSE

Though they were denied the right to wed in the state where they lived, Frankie and Igor never regretted their decision to adopt.