BUTCHNESS ABOUNDS IN LAKE PLACID 3

(Ironside and Ferguson in Lake Placid 3)

As monster movie franchises go, Lake Placid has done reasonably well so far -- the second had wonderfully crusty Cloris Leachman and gorgeous Daddy John Schneider going for it -- so I was looking forward to SyFy's part 3. Except for the substandard CGI, it didn't disappoint me.

This time cutie Colin Ferguson (Sherriff Carter of "Eureka") was our hero, with veteran Michael Ironside, of all people, as his sidekick. This time the crocodile-feeding culprit was not a batty old broad but the hero's young son, who was shoplifing meat from the local market to feed the at first small, then REALLY BIG crocs in the lake. The kid did a good job -- they in fact gave him a couple of the film's best lines -- but my partner and I were hoping for another another croc hag, played by Mary Tyler Moore. Then they could have cast Georgia Engel as the croc feeder in part 4 -- but no! Those who remember the Mary Tyler Moore show will get what I mean: first Betty White, then Cloris Leachman, then...

Anyway, Ferguson plays the likably quirky zoologist/ game warden who moves his wife and son into the notorious cabin by the lake (inherited from Leachman's character Sadie, supposedly his late aunt). Either for the sake of his comfort zone or ours, someone got the idea to have his character wear a shirt throughout the film that is nearly identical to the sherriff shirt he wears in Eureka. The sherriff in this film, though, is played by Ironside, bearded and looking surprisingly hunky in a bearlike way. His character is gun-happy but a nice guy.

The real balls in the cast, though, belong to gravel-voiced Yancy Butler, who plays a smart-mouthed and impressivley butch wilderness guide and hunter's mercenary named Reba. Her endless put-downs of the male characters whose asses she repeatedly saves give the film a big added dose of salt that keeps things amusing. She's way scarier than the crocs, particularly the one hapless croc she regularly stabs in the face with her hunting knife.

David Reed's dialogue is worthy of the cast, though the plot is predictable -- when the crocs run out of stolen beef, they move on to chewing up yappy lap dogs and horny teenagers (why don't those kids ever learn?) Many characters appear who are clearly just intended to be croc entrees. Ferguson learns that he should appreciate his neglected boy (who delivers the line, "I thought a law of nature was parents caring about their kids -- my mistake") and frustrated career woman wife. But it remains fast-paced and entertaining, though the crocs aren't integrated with the live action as smoothly as they should be.

It didn't quite live up to #2, but it's worth catching on one of the dozens of times SyFy will show it again. Next time, they should dispense with the expensive weaponry and just have Yancy Butler wrestle the crocs. Or better yet, forget the crocs and have John Schneider and Colin Ferguson wrestle, in speedos. What can I say -- I've come to expect wrestling from SyFy.

ULTRA MAN: The First Big Guy I Admired

At last, those of us who’ve waited decades to see Ultraman again can see 20 episodes – with a good picture and pretty good, if not absolutely perfect, sound – on an inexpensive 2-disc DVD set. The set includes the entire first season of the show.

For those who don’t remember, Ultraman was a half-hour 1960s live action TV series about a gigantic flying superhero from outer space who merges with Hiyata, a young pilot from Japan’s Science Patrol (a sort of space-age police force that deals with extraterrestrial invaders, giant monsters and such). Because of this merging, Hiyata can walk away from what should have been a fatal crash with the space hero’s ship – but in a crisis he can turn into Ultraman. He holds up a flashlight-like device called a “Beta Capsule” and a voice on the soundtrack tells us, “Using the Beta Capsule, Hiyata becomes Ultraman!” We then see a flash of light and the hero’s towering figure rising up out of it. (Though I was very young, the idea that one could hold up a cylindrical object and suddenly become much bigger somehow resonated with me).

Usually Ultraman appears to fight a Godzilla-like rubber-suit monster (the effects director, in fact, is Godzilla’s creator, Eji Tsuburaya.). After a few minutes of fighting, a bulb on UM’s chest begins to flash on and off, and to beep. The soundtrack voice tells us that his energy is depleting in Earth’s atmosphere, which builds suspense -- if he can’t defeat the monster in time, the voice-over warns, “Ultraman will never rise again.”

Hiyata’s Science Patrol co-workers – a cute young woman with an annoying little brother; the serious Captain; a buffoonish fellow pilot who often does pratfalls and such, etc. – have no clue that he is also Ultraman. To be fair, there’s no resemblance for them to spot, as there was with Clark Kent and Superman – Ultraman is taller than a skyscraper and has silver skin and a pointy head. (He also has opaque egg-shaped eyes that look, as a friend so aptly put it, "like an insect's." Now and then you may notice that they have little holes poked in the bottom so that the actor can see!) Ultraman’s powers include great strength, martial arts skills, flying, and the ability to cross his arms and shoot cosmic rays from the heel of one hand.




The dubbing is dreadful and the effects laughable, but that remains part of the series’ charm. One funny aspect is that the monsters continually get more and more outrageous looking and colorful (and sillier) because they had to come up with so many of them. Godzilla himself even shows up at one point, disguised, but not very effectively.



You can watch the DVD in Japanese if you want, and can leave the subtitles on even if you’re watching it in English – this is interesting, because the characters are often saying very different things than what was dubbed in. (For instance, the female character -- in an episode about a monster that eats pearls -- makes a rather surprising and solemn speech at one point about how her male co-worker does not "recognize a woman's wrath.")

These episodes are also complete, though when they first showed on American TV, they were edited for time – so some scenes appear in Japanese, with (and sometimes without) subtitles even if you’re watching it in English. This makes for a somewhat unpredictable viewing experience, but it never goes on for longer than a few minutes, so you don’t lose track of the story.

I found this set for five bucks at Kmart. On Amazon it’s around ten bucks. Trust me, it’s the deal of the century so far.